Total Recall Forgot About Mars

An AK Movie Review

I did an impulse movie tonight.  Total Recall. Who could forget the  Arnold Schwarzenegger original?  If you expected another jaunt on a Mars colony seeking freedom from their earth overlords forgidda 'bout it.  It was deleted from this version of the movie.  Mars has been replaced by Australia.  But the Overlord is still there. Ayers rock does kind of look like something from Mars I suppose...but it doesn't make an appearance.  By why Oz?  Is there any more freedom loving people than the beloved Sun loving Aussies?  Hard to imagine them putting up with Pommie domination. 

The entire plot revolves around two surviving post-apocalyptic nations, The United Federation of Britain (UFB) and The Colony (Australia). Britain apparently has annexed most of Western Europe after the Rothschilds bankrupted them (I'm reading between the lines - that's not stated in the movie) and they're all ruled from London in a kind of Rothschild wet dream. Everything in the movie is rather wet - even Sydney.  Botany Bay seems to have been tiled over with left over Cube Habitats from the 1967 Montreal Expo.  The French Canadians probably got tired of them. Seems the Brits have decided to use the Antipodes for their domestic grunt work force, at least those bits they haven't automated yet. The beat cops are all "synthetics" (robots). Almost like the ones in Anaheim! They shoot to kill with some pretty amazing ammo.  Not much humanity needed in that job description. I miss the optimistic view of  future in Roddenberry's Star Trek, there's far too much dystopia in movies these days. 

Now this is where the plot gets weak, they've got anti-gravitic and MAG LEV cars, cubical elevators that run on MAG LEV tracks in three dimensions, but they had to drill a hole in the earth to Australia to commute the Aussies back and forth to London in a globe spanning World Tunnel. They can do all this and can't travel through a cheap worm hole?  I know people that create portals with PVC merkavas, a rodin coil and a MP3 player. Did the Brits stick to linguistic form and call it the Wunnel? Nope...the tunnel is called "The Fall".  The implications of that Biblical word is quite obvious. Fallen Brits live in Australia. And they are rebellious. The Mythical Criminal Class.

The Aussie end of the bargain in this Rothschild miasma is like ground hog day on the Blade Runner set. Only without the Mexicans, flying Japanese Blimps, curbside gene splicers and LA Smog.   The Aussies have had their country poisoned by some unnamed poison gas, presumably in the last great Rothschild war which depopulated most of the planet. America is gone. But what you do expect of Whitehall when it comes to the Prisoners of Mother England? Everyone lives in one big city dominated by massive apparatus of "The Fall".

Some of the plot is the same as the old movie,  but to be honest Sharon Stone plays a better bitch!  How can you hate Kate Beckinsale? I found her flaws simply patriotic, in a demented British kind of way.  She's a good Tory and she's just doing her job for Queen and Country.  She's almost James Bond-ish. Kate's character is  probably on the same steroids Thatcher used - and you know how militant Maggie got until she bollocks'ed her career with that damn poll tax. (Ssshhh...don't mention poll taxes to Romney! He'll make poor people pay the same property tax as rich people....)

This movie is laced with symbolic references to the Cabal, including the UFB national logo, a Zionist Star with an extra triangle overlaying it. Perhaps the additional triangle is the one eyed pyramid? Someone has mined the Internet for cabal symbols!  Heavy mention of resistance against the UFB and the UFB is busy doing false flag attacks and blaming the Aussie "Resistance". S'truth mate! Australians are the new Al Qaeda! Symbol hunters will have a field day with this movie, can't wait till David Icke gives it a go. I predict this movie will be panned by critics. 

Its not really that bad of a movie, if you hadn't seen the original.  I'd go see it just for the SciFi imagery and symbolism. The flashbacks are few and not confusing.  I hated the strobe lights at the beginning. That's a cheap trick to cover a bad set - or perhaps send epileptics into a fit on the floor. You know in real life no work force would put up with strobe lights in the hallways. Its annoying! Unless of course your going to adjust that timing on that small block Chevy engine. Just close your eyes.  Ridley Scott started that nonsense in the Alien movie, and people have been copying it ever since.  Total Recall 2012 is a mash-up of many Sci Fi movies.  You'll find yourself counting them.

I thought for a minute they were going to reprise the Fat Lady with the dividing head in Australian Customs, but the director, Len Wiseman, did a head fake on that and took it another direction.  I'm supposed to say I won't spoil the movie, but if you've seen the original and cut out the Mars bits, you've seen this one. Matthias, the Resistance leader, doesn't have a conjoined second head brother Kuato (as in the first movie) under his trench coat, in fact he's not even Aussie, sounds like he's from Cambridge!  The only mutant is the 3 breasted prostitute and to be honest they flashed that so quickly I barely caught it.  

I miss Mars.  Richard Hoagland you told us there'd be Mars in this new one....  Did I mention no Mars? Arnold your legacy is safe, even if your tenure as Governor was...well not a blockbuster.  At least this movie was well edited, which is more than I can say for John Carter.

The movie ends with a billboard in the background that says "Total Recall 2012"......hmmmmmmmmmmmm.  We can only hope.

 I give this movie 3 out of 5 chrysanthemums.